Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
