Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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