so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
