I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
