My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
did i just pee glitter
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize