Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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