I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize