I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
