i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
