dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
