I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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