There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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