awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
