just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize