So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
