Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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