Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
