i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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