that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
