if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
