are you still at the devil's house?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
