dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
