I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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