ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
