He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
