dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This is not my ceiling
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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