I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
