Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to jail i love you
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
