Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
