Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
