miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
