thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
