I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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