first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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