My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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