im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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