That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
