her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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