new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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