sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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