Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
