I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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