home. puking in laundry basket.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.