she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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