it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
