Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
