i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
