Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
