Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
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Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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