There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
