watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
