here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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