the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
