I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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