shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
