the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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