You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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