im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
