either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
