When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
