sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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