help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
