No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
