Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
