I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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