Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
