thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
