All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
high people should be assigned attendants
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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