I'm drive I can fine osifer
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
