He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
