Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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