I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
