I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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