The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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