first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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