GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
