If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
