Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
