I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
pop tarts are not kleenex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
